Witty quotes

The beginning is the most important part of the work. - Plato

Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of. - Geri Weitzman

Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets. – Napoleon Bonaparte

Choose a job you like, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. – Pablo Picasso

A well-spent day brings happy sleep. – Leonardo da Vinci

Islam is a religion in which Allah demands you send your son to die for him; Christianity is the faith in which God sent his son to die for you. – John Ashcroft

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence. – John Adams

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. – Bob Wells

Not all those who wander are lost. – J R R Tolkien

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. – Lao-Tsu

These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves. – Gilbert Highet

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. – Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. – Albert Einstein

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. – James Klass

To prophesy is extremely difficult – especially with regard to the future. – Chinese proverb

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. – Shakespeare

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger

It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats. – Russian proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – George Burns

All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it. – Samuel Butler

The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. – Albert Einstein

“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” – Albert Einstein

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. – Bob Edwards

If you think education is expensive, try Ignorance. – Andy McIntyre

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Winston Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.

Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk!
Winston Churchill: And Madam, you are ugly. And tomorrow, I’ll be sober, and you will still be ugly.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman

Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. – H. L. Mencken

The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all. – Leo Buscaglia

Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great.  – Mark Twain

God does not play dice with the universe. – Albert Einstein

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Witty quotes and quips

The pen is mightier than the sword – Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. – Slovenian proverb

Imagination is more important than knowledge. – Albert Einstein

Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it. – Elias Schwartz

Everything you can imagine is real. - Picasso

Learning is not compulsory… neither is survival. – W. Edwards Deming

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject. – Winston Churchill

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. – Abraham Lincoln

The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. – Anonymous

Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. – Malcolm S. Forbes

Use soft words and hard arguments. – Anonymous

If everybody’s thinking alike, somebody isn’t thinking. – Anonymous

Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night. – Anonymous

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. – Phyllis Diller

No pressure, no diamonds. – Mary Case

You can’t be truly rude until you understand good manners. – Rita Mae Brown

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment. – Rita Mae Brown

Some day my boat will come in, and with my luck I’ll be at the airport. – Anonymous

Don’t argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves. – Winston Churchill

It’s not that I’m so smart , it’s just that I stay with problems longer. – Albert Einstein

The more you know, the less you need to show. – Anonymous

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. – Bob Wells

To be upset over what you don’t have is to waste what you do have. – Anonymous

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do. – Henry Ford

That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria! – Calvin

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. – George Bernard Shaw

Confidence in nonsense is a requirement for the creative process. – Anonymous

Democracy is the worst system devised by wit of man, except for all the others. – Winston Churchill

If everything is coming your way then you’re in the wrong lane. – Anonymous

Organized greed always defeats disorganized democracy. – Matt Taibbi

Don’t be afraid to take one large step because you can’t cross a chasm in two small leaps. – Anonymous

Failure to prepare is preparing to fail. – Anonymous

Wonder is the beginning of wisdom. – Greek proverb

If a person feels he can’t communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it. -Tom Lehrer

Don’t let people drive you crazy when you know it’s in walking distance. – Anonymous

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction. – E. F. Schumacher

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Witty quotes and sayings

If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done. – Anonymous

What does not kill me makes me stronger. – Goethe

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. – Ann Landers

If one has not given everything, one has given nothing. – Georges Guynemer

If you choose not to decide – you still have made a choice! – Neil Peart

Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? – Kelvin Throop

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. – Anonymous

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. – Oscar Wilde

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. – Woody Allen

If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – Harry S Truman

It usually takes a long time to find a shorter way. – Anonymous

Every man is the architect of his own fortune. – Appius Claudius

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. – Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

There are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something. – Thomas A. Edison

Never argue with a fool. Someone watching may not be able to tell the difference. – Anonymous

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. – G. K. Chesterton, Dorothy Parker

Nothing endures but change. – Heraclitus

True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. – Socrates

All jobs are easy to the person who doesn’t have to do them. – Holt’s Law

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese proverb

It’s better to be quotable than to be honest. – Tom Stoppard

A free society is a place where it’s safe to be unpopular. – Adlai Stevenson

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. – Anonymous

The quality of an organization can never exceed the quality of the minds that make it up. – Harold R. McAlindon

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. – Will Durant

Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure. – William Saroyan

With stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain. – Friedrich von Schiller

No man’s knowledge here can go beyond his experience. – John Locke

The first rule to tinkering is to save all the parts. – Paul Erlich

Wine is bottled poetry. – Robert Louis Stevenson

He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them. – Chinese proverb

“Reality” is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes. – Anonymous

I think; therefore I am. – Rene Descartes

It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it. – Voltaire

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. – Casey Stengal

A picture is worth a thousand words is not an old proverb. – 1921 ad copy by Fred R Barnard

Wretched the man whose fame makes his misfortunes famous. – Lucius Accius

‘Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. - Samuel Johnson

Necessity is the mother of invention. – Plato

Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion. – Ovid

‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W. C. Fields

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